Choir (SIPMA Games, Pahang 2013)

Our choir performing at the opening ceremony

I still remember how I joined it for the only reason of obtaining co-curriculum marks. All I wanted was the marks and nothing else. It didn't even occur to me to ask a friend along so I wouldn't feel lonely here.

But then the whole process of selecting people was so frustrating that I gave it up. I'd find other ways to get my marks, though I didn't know of any at that time. I felt a pinch of regret for not being given a chance at it. Little did I expect them to have a second audition. This, I knew, was a door God opened for me. I had prayed about my koko marks and I knew I had to grab this opportunity. Friend or not, I'm going for it. So I gave it my best at the audition and sang 'O Night Divine'. I figured I'd sing a song for God at my audition. And glory to God, I got in! I was so happy even though I was uncertain of what it would bring. Nevertheless, I was really positive about it even until the first few practices. 

Then came the displeasures and frustrations as last-minute announcements were made and punctuality was hardly kept by all the members. I wasn't used to this eleventh hour style at all. I had to constantly remind myself that this is God's open door for me and well, one good thing, I really enjoyed practising because it's one of the rare times I get to sing out in campus. :) In the beginning, I really made zero effort to get to know my members. I felt like I was merely there for the marks and to perform. Well, I stayed till the end. Though many a time I felt like giving the whole thing up because it takes up almost half of my semester break, I knew I had to go through it and prayed that God will be with me, and I knew He would. :)

?Pahang river. Beautiful view en route to Kolej Matrikulasi Pahang

Then came the time we had all been preparing for : SIPMA. It was held in Kolej Matrikulasi Pahang this year and to be honest, we were lucky enough to be given an opportunity to perform for it because apparently, not all colleges were invited to be involved in this event. I dreaded going for it at first. I didn't want to leave the comfort of my family and home. I felt injustice as I could only spend half the time others did with my family. I felt especially lonely because none of my close friends are in the team. The ones I can actually talk to were merely acquaintances, or so they were at that time. ;)

All I could do was pray; for it to be fruitful and that it would not be as I dread it to be.

A pathway in the college that leads to the library at the end

The ten days at Pahang was a huge surprise, if not miraculous for me. I simply cannot believe how memorable it has been and how all my assumptions have turned out to be wrong. Those acquaintances I had in the team grew to be like sisters to me. I love them to bits now and to be honest, I really miss our experience so badly that whenever I see one of them in college now, I just wanna run to them and hug them tight. I miss our mealtimes together where we would call each other to hurry up; I miss our little though nonsensical chats; our jokes; their very presence itself. Well, we still see each other in college now. But it hurts so bad because it's not the same anymore. We don't sleep together anymore. Nor do we groom each other's hair and make-up; nor go everywhere together. It's like a part of me has been ripped away. It hurts so bad I sometimes feel like crying. Apart from these really close ones, I got to bond really well with my other choir mates too. They turned out to be a fun bunch and the satisfaction of giving our best for each performance is just, fulfilling. I'm so glad we did our best, as was one of my prayers; for that was our purpose of going there in the first place. I remember the beautiful campus and our walks around it. My heart was so heavy when we left the place. I hold dear our memories there to my heart.

One of our favourites: a lake on campus!

Being back here hit like a harsh reality, with MUET exam the very next day. I looked at the people I haven't met for 3 weeks. My friends. They seemed lifeless to me at first because all my soul craved for was my choir mates. I miss them so badly. Such a contrasting environment hit me hard. It took time for me to adjust to what was my norm for six months previously. Nevertheless, the stress of the exam kept my thoughts at bay and my mind was kept busy. After the exam, I literally hugged my choir mates when I saw them in college. We all missed each other. I'm not the only one. And I'm really happy that I got to have lunch with Preevina after that with which we chat and joked around just like we did in Pahang. And I got to meet Xin Ning in the afternoon and talked about our experience, and later went jogging with Vimalah. All these certainly covered many potholes in my heart. Though short, these moments were sweet. It's like an assurance that we will do this together; I'm not in this alone. We share the same experience. 

Then when I meet other friends and feel their love and care, I begin to appreciate their company again. I can't let Pahang's experience build a barrier to my other friends. God reminds me that my delight shall be in Him and He never leaves me. Speaking of which, I'm really happy to be going to church again tomorrow, after too long. I'm sorry and I believe tomorrow will be a life-changing experience for all of us. Lairu is such a caring friend that I simply cannot take her for granted, ever. Thank God for her. I need to pray for her, for she has yet to know Jesus.

Once again, blogging makes me feel so much better. Though I still miss my choir buddies <3, I know I have to work hard for semester 2 and I know God will lead me through. 

Jesus, my source of strength and hope and joy. Lead me Lord.  

I can't wait for Christmas in Decemeber. It's an occasion me and my family hold dear to our hearts. It's such a pain that we only have a one-day holiday for it and it happens to be in the middle of the week, which means I would have to rush to celebrate it in with my family so I wouldn't miss classes. Nevertheless, I know I will still appreciate in my heart the true meaning of it, our Saviour's birth, wherever I am, whomever I'm with. This is the true celebration of Christmas.